Faith, Life And The Blurred Edges

Going through my draft posts I found this:

'I am a Christian, well i am supposed to be. I hardly ever go to church, never really follow the rules to a T but i do still maintain my faith as much as i can.'

This was dated almost 2 years ago and since then my life has completely changed and here's how.

Let us begin my testimony (you know, cos Jesus)

About 2 years ago after I finished my GCSE's and I had completely recovered from a bizarre case of Glandular fever, I had nothing to do. I was still too ill to go out, but well enough that I wanted to go out more. So what were my choices? Either veg in front of the T.V. or read, and so like the good nerd I am I read, and I mean I read everything. I read until the only thing left was my Bible. Now believe me, at the time I did not want to read it, like no way was I gunna read an outdated book full of stories BUT never the less I read a whole chapter; Hebrews to be exact.

It wasn't bad but I wasn't swayed. So fast-forward about half a year and I was bored again but this time I was out and about doing what I liked. I had been constantly thinking after this point 'what do I believe' and I have formulated three points;

• I knew I believed in a higher power
• I thought that it might be God
• I knew I wanted to find out more

So what I decided to do was to try to find out more about this Christian God and so the best thing I thought I could do was to go to as many churches and denominations that I could find. After about an Hour or so on Google I found the nearest churches of as many denominations as I could. I went to Baptists churches, C of E, Catholic and most importantly a Quaker meeting house. I loved it. From the first moment I felt in awe of the people there. Granted I was the youngest by about 20 years but it fit in to what i believed and it didn't judge me for who I was. 

After about a month or two at the Quaker meeting house I decided to try another church, just to keep things interesting. I had heard about a church in a theatre nearby called Hillsong. And so I convinced a friend from school to come with me and we headed down to the theatre at 11 on the Sunday. I honestly was so surprised. If someone had told me that I would have felt so in awe of anything like the way I did that day I would have either thought they were drunk, or that I was drunk. 

I had experienced God in the Quaker meeting halls but the presence of God in that place was so evident. I know I sound mad and really naive, but it's one of those things that has to be experienced to understand.

So where am I now. I still go to Hillsong, I'm still in love with my church and my religion. I was saved two months after joining Hillsong and I can't wait to have the opportunity to be Baptized. My family and friends have slowly come to terms with my decisions and although they respect it they don't always understand it. My mother has also been saved and is now an active part of the church as she attends a connect group and has found more friends in Christ. I am trying to find out more about God and granted it will be a life long journey but I'm so glad that this is a path I have found. Now I know that no one can be sure of what is actually true but if I've been misled and I live my life for Christ, It honestly isn't the worst mistake ;).

So yeah that's me....

My life, with him: part one

Okay so disclaimer, I am no longer dating Jamie. Don't panic nothing bad happened we just grew apart but we did date for about a year and a 1/2. Anyway I stumbled across this today and it made me laugh so I thought I'd post it. Hope you enjoy my weird old ramblings :P 

Some might call it a chance encounter, but to be honest it was hard for us not to have met. I'm just surprised it took this long.Same school, same interests, same friend groups it was difficult not to constantly try to avoid his beautiful brown eyes.

Now a geography hut is not the most romantic place to meet someone you are inevitably going to fall in love with, but it was how it happened. Walking to English with my friend James (don't bother asking why we had it in the geography block) I hadn't noticed the skinny sixth former in baggy jeans and red t-shirt, he just blended in.
"Oh my, that boy is wearing a CTFxC shirt! AND assasins! Please go speak to him for me, you know just to say it's cool, i'm not trying to chat him up" James quickly rambled.
"no! that's weird do it yourself!" i replied, trying not to sound too harsh.
"Please, he might be cool!"
"Fine..." i shrugged and tried to sort out my hair in one swift motion, and then skipped my way over to the object of James' attention.

"Hey, this is going to sound weird, but my friend loves your t-shirt" i said confidently whilst twisting my hair, naturally trying to make myself look older than i was.

"aww thanks, didn't know there were other CTFxC'ers here?!" he replied shyly
"yeah totally spend my life on YouTube" I replied not intending to sound as nerdy as i am sure i did. The bell rang and James dragged me inside the classroom before i could even say goodbye.

A day or two passed between that encounter and our first awkward corridor eye glance. You see there are about 800 pupils at my school so it is difficult not to see everyone at least once a day, however we hardly knew each other so weren't even going to say hi as a passing comment, let alone try to chat one another up. But eventually we had to have some sort of conversation as we clearly both were attracted, at least superficially to each other.

So there i am minding my own business on the bus, when a boy in baggy jeans and a hoodie walk past and slow down by me, then quickly walk to the back of the bus. I didn't even need to look up to know it was him. I felt my cheeks burn as he turned back around to say "Hey, We The Kings are playing in London soon, thought you might wanna know"
"thanks" i replied with a crack in my voice.

I had no intention of buying tickets as they were quite expensive and it would be tricky to convince my dad, but with the prospect of him being there I began to change my mind. Well or rather he changed my mind...

About a month later as we were heading in to exam season the day had arrived. 'Into the sixth-form day' possibly one of the most nerve wracking moments in our year 11 school career (I'm kidding obviously). I headed to school in what I thought was a pretty darn precious outfit ,but I'm sure looking back I must have looked about 9, with my bag full of nerves I headed off to taster session after taster session until lunch time when we bumped in to one another. Walking through the double doors I tried to casually bound past by was stopped when he did a double take and nervously utterred "erm...I have a spare ticket to We The Kings if you wanna come..I mean only if you want to..." Stunned I think I managed something along the lines of "Yeah sounds brill, have to check with my dad but errr yeah". And that was it, I hurried off feeling like an adult, but still probably looking like a prepubescent child.

Skip forward a few months, a couple hundred hours on Skype, way too many minutes on the phone and countless hours being absolutely ridiculous we are here. We are happy and I couldn't be more chuffed that he picked me to occupy far too much of his time. I feel like he truly respects me for who I am and completely understands what I believe. I know it sounds terribly one sided but I'd like to say it's not (well you'd have to ask him) but this is the best relationship I've ever been in and I just hope it lasts. I love you J.D. <3 br="">

My Strange Little Lobster

*cough* excuse the teenage and soppy nature of this blog post....

So the handsome beast that is trying to eat me in the rather stunning photo to the left is my slave, sorry i mean boyfriend.Only joking our relationship is totally equal and we do just the same amount for each other, or at least that is what he thinks ;) 

Honestly in all seriousness he is probably one of the most important people in my life right now. Not only has he stuck around through my strange and rather mental ramblings he also helped me through one of the worst experiences in my life which was good for me but probably terrifying for him. About 4 months in to our relationship i was ridiculously ill right in the middle of both of our exam seasons and almost kind of died... yeah but that is another blog post for another time.

What's so amazing about this boy then that my silly little teenage mind felt like typing up this futile blog post?

He is possibly the nerdiest person i have ever met and makes me feel like i can like anything (especially K-pop, because well K-pop is awesome), he puts up with all of my nonsense and isn't afraid to tell me i'm being ridiculous, he makes the effort and most of is the most wonderful human being. Okay i admit i may not be the most enthralling person to be in a relationship with but just the fact he picked me keeps me smiling every day.

i will probably look back this someday and turn to my husband and say:
"aww look at me with my ex-boyfriend" ;) 
only joking Jamie, <3 font="font" nbsp="nbsp">

Back to school

I realise that i have been rather distant but there aren't any of you here anyway....

So today marked an exciting and rather petrifying stage in my school career; I started Sixth Form. Yes that means i have the stress and pressure of completing AS and hopefully A levels, whilst trying to maintain my social life and love life along the way.

The first challenge came when i had to not only drag myself but also my boyfriend out of bed. However i skipped out the door filled with great expectations and a stomach full of butterflies.Throughout the day i felt like i was surrounded by stereotypical "teacher parrots" all filled with hubris as they declared that we all needed to "Hit the ground running". Despite the anticipation and irritation of starting a new (rather pivotal) school year the day went off without a hitch and after while it just felt like another average school day, resulting in me dragging my feet home, collapsing on my sofa and vegging out by watching T.V.

Although the initial excitement is still there and i will still find joy in taking a new leap in my school set-up, i realise that i will hit the earth in a few days, the school work will pile up and a stressed Elly will emerge. So i guess i should treasure my adrenaline rush and hope for the best in my two last years of school. Well before Uni anyway.

Letters in my phone

The written word is more powerful than anything and fortunately my friends and family know this too well. In order to fully communicate with me you have to write things down due to the fact my attention span is about 3 seconds. This has lead to a minuscule revolution in my phone case. Currently there are 5 notes in the back of my phone from friends and family. it is a simple idea but it is effective. They cheer me up and surprise me because i never know they are there until i stumble upon them. (even if it means my phone case often topples off)

Age defines us...

Age plays such a big part in the drama we call life. Every year we get older until we are so old that we stop living. But between your birth and your death, there is a void that gets clogged up with memories. Memories of family, bonfire nights, rows, birthdays, love, hate and pointless facts. There is a point in your life where your age becomes significant. 10 double figures. 16 legal for, well we all know what. 17 you can get your provisional. 18 legally able to buy alcohol and cigarettes, leave school and generally start being treated like an adult. But what about before and after these significant turns of age? Well we are left drifting aimlessly trying to figure out what we can and can't do. and it is awful. Nearly 16 and all i can think about is exams let alone my social life....
My heads a mess and i am yearning to get to 16 just so i feel like me again.

Gossip

It's strange how quickly gossip can spread. One minute a secret can be shared between two people, and the next it's news to ever one's ears. it can bring joy but it can also break up relationships and perceptions. I dislike the fact that people feel that words don't hurt because the fact of the matter is they do, even more so than physical pain. Words stick in the mind they are etched in your memory like a ticker tape that runs around and around. The slightest thing can trigger your memory and cause to the regress to a time or place. They can cause pain, hurt and joy.

Emotions are a key part of life. call me old fashioned but i much prefer happiness to sorrow. Remember secrets are secrets and just because someone tells you something, doesn't make it yours.